We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post.
(This post may contain affiliate links and I may earn a small commission when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.)
To the momma who was just told her child has cancer,
It’s amazing and terrifying how 4 little words can make your whole world fall apart. Four simple words: “Your child has cancer” and your world is forever changed.
You may wonder how you are going to get through the next few days, let alone the next few years. One day at a time is how. Sometimes one hour at a time. Sometimes you may wonder if you can even get out of bed in the morning.
You will feel overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed with information. Overwhelmed with doctor’s appointments. Overwhelmed with medication. Overwhelmed with trying to manage “it all”with a sick child: the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the shopping. Everything will feel so much harder to manage now.
You will feel pain.
Your heart will ache every time you see your baby hurting. Because whether he is 2 or 16, he is still your baby. Every time they aren’t feeling well. Every time that they throw up. You wish you could take it from them. Sometimes the pain of watching will be almost more than you can bear.
You will feel anger.
Angry that your child must go through this. Angry that you must go through this. Angry at those that are living a “normal life”, those that can just take their kid anywhere they want on a whim. Even though you know it’s not their fault, the anger still comes.
You will feel isolated.
Stuck at home with your child because his counts are low while the other mothers and children have play dates. Stuck at home because you can no longer work and send your child to daycare. Stuck at home because your child is too sick or too neutropenic to go to school, and you are now their teacher.
You will feel afraid.
Afraid that the chemotherapy won’t work. Afraid that your child will get a fever or infection and end up in the hospital. Afraid that you may lose your precious baby. Afraid that you won’t be strong enough when you need to be. Afraid that even if it does go away, the cancer may come back.
You will feel guilty.
You will feel that you are failing as a mother, as a wife, and in whatever other role you have in life. You will feel the guilt of not spending as much time with your other children because the one with cancer needs you more and takes up so much of your time. You will feel the guilt of being so frustrated with your child that you want to scream (and maybe even do) even though you know it’s the steroids and not him. You will wonder if something you did caused the cancer in the first place. Wonder if maybe, just maybe you could have prevented the whole thing.
You will feel lonely.
You will feel as if no one else understands what you are going through. People will try, and they mean well, they really do. But until you are the parent of a child with cancer, you just don’t get it, you just don’t.
But that’s not all. It doesn’t end there. Because although you will feel despair and devastation you will also feel blessed beyond belief.
You will feel strength.
You will find a strength in yourself that you didn’t know was there. You will be there for your child because you need to be there, and it will make you stronger. You will learn that you can handle whatever you need to handle, because you love that precious child of yours.
You will find faith.
You will find the faith that things will be okay, even if they don’t turn out the way you would like.
You will feel love.
You will feel love from countless friends and family that care so much for you and your child. You will feel love beyond belief for your own children. Your love will deepen and your time will seem so much more precious. Things that once consumed you will no longer matter. Your focus will be forever changed.
You will feel gratitude.
The kindness of strangers will amaze you. The simple acts of kindness that will occur in your life because someone heard about your child. You will find outpouring of community from others going through your situation because no one fights alone.
And you will witness the unbelievable strength of a child.
You will see how your child will fight for his life without even realizing it. You will see him smile, even though you know he is hurting. You will see him be brave over and over and over again. You will see him face challenges that grown men and women shrink from. You will see him do seemingly impossible things. You will be witness to the faith of a child.
Know that with all the bad that is now happening and going to happen, there is so very much good if you look for it. It’s sometimes hard to see, but it is always there.
And through it all you will find life to be more precious and sweeter than you could have ever imagined. Your priorities will be forever changed and the “little things” you used to worry about won’t even matter anymore.
